


Origins

by samlover14



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 22:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8178637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samlover14/pseuds/samlover14
Summary: Dan and Phil film a video reacting to PINOF and AmazingDan.  What they don’t expect is the emotions it will bring back.  Angst/Fluff with a happy ending.





	

Phil looked up from his phone, across the lounge at Dan, who was in his browsing position on the sofa, completely ignoring him.  They may as well have been on separate continents.

 

“Hey Dan,” Phil said.  Dan made a noncommittal noise.  “About 20 people have tweeted me this petition, have you seen it?”

 

“Yeah,” Dan replied.

 

“So… we’re not doing that probably,” Phil said.

 

“I feel like we wouldn’t be able to post it, but we could try,” Dan said.  Phil frowned.

 

“How much of the last PINOF did we scrap in editing?” Phil asked.

 

“Hours, I’m sure,” Dan replied.

 

“So why couldn’t we post this?” Phil asked.

 

“Sex tapes usually get flagged,” Dan said, as if this were the most normal conversation that had ever happened.

 

“Why would us reacting to PINOF and AmazingDan turn into a sex tape?” Phil asked, genuinely confused.

 

“Oh, _that_ petition,” Dan said, finally looking up from his browsing position.  “No, that we can do.”

 

“There’s a petition for us to post our sex tape?” Phil asked, interested, until the next thought occurred to him.  “We don’t have a sex tape, Dan!”

 

“Maybe you don’t,” Dan retorted, “but I do…. With your MUM!”

 

“Really?” Phil asked, disappointed in Dan’s maturity level (or, rather, lack thereof).

 

“Oh, come on,” Dan rolled his eyes, setting his laptop aside and sitting up.  “You totally had that coming.”

 

“So are we going to do it?” Phil asked, excited, suddenly, at the thought.

 

“I…” Dan sighed heavily.  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 

“Why not?” Phil asked, mood declining slightly.

 

“ _Phiilll_ ,” Dan sighed again.  “All that stuff from 2009?  Do we really want to bring that back?”  That was true…  “The fringe and the lolzors alone would be enough to send us cringing into next month.”  Oh.  Phil had thought Dan had meant something completely different.  Should he mention it?  No.  No, definitely not.

 

“But it’s us as fetuses!” Phil said.  “It’s like the Dan and Phil origin story, philisnotonfire!”

 

“Okay, get the lights and camera out of your bedroom, we can film in the office,” Dan relented.  Phil beamed and ran out of the lounge.  Dan knew already he was going to regret this, but they had to pay the bills somehow, and since Dan had made a total of ten main channel videos this _year_ (two of them being the book announcement, one collab with Connor, and the RedNoseDay #spon – so make that six videos with his own original content), he knew making a video was probably for the best.  They had the gaming channel and the radio show, of course, but that’s beside the point.

 

This video – the fans would love it… if they could come up with something to post.  Everything had been a little tense lately.  All the feelings from 2009 – the real ones, not just the platonic ones – were beginning to break back through, and it’s not that Dan wanted this any less than he had at 18 (maybe he even wanted it _more_ ), but he didn’t have the time or the energy for his all-consuming passionate feelings for his roommate/best friend.  They had died down some during the intervening six years, but Dan knew if he let that wall come down, the aftermath would be a disaster (and this video was surely going to be a wrecking ball.  Dan’s last main channel video “A Message to My Younger Self” or rather “Things Phil Taught Me” was pretty emotional as well, it was really just a matter of time at this point).  They’d been in love, that wasn’t bullshit, but things had changed.  The very thing that had brought them together had pulled them apart.  Dan NoHomo Howell and his ‘fyi I like vagina’, along with ‘full-time internet homo’.  He rolled his eyes at himself.  Sometimes he still cringed about that.  Dan and Phil had talked about it briefly, (‘it’ being the growing tension, not the ‘full-time internet homo’, though they’d talked about that at _length_ ), but the conclusion they’d come to was that they weren’t in that place anymore.  They were both lying, and they both knew the other was lying, but it made it better somehow.

 

Phil was already in the office with all the stuff to film their video when Dan got there.  Dan looked in the selfie cam on his phone to check his fringe, thanking that he’d thought to actually shower and dress properly that morning, as they’d briefly entertained doing another Dil video that day.  Dil.  _Their_ _son_.  Yeah, good one.  NoHomo Howell strikes again.  God, Dan hated himself.

 

“Should we watch them first to get some ideas or just go in blind?” Phil asked.

 

“Blind always makes for a better video,” Dan said.  “We owe them that.  If we have to film twice, then we will.”

 

While Phil proceeded to set up the camera, microphone, lights, and other video paraphernalia, Dan thought about how he was going to play this video.  Phil didn’t need to worry about that kind of thing, he just talked and never thought about the consequences.  Dan was extremely reserved.  Always.  He always had a response for every question formed, told necessary lies, or just ignored things he didn’t want to answer.  Phil was the opposite, he never lied, wore his heart on his sleeve, and more often than not, got them into trouble. 

 

Dan didn’t think Phil had noticed he wasn’t as interested in doing this video as Phil was, but Phil had noticed.  He was just determined to make Dan have a good time.  That was his job as the best friend, to make Dan happy.   It had always been Phil’s job, since they first started talking to each other.

 

“Should we do this in your bedroom?  It is philisnotonfire,” Dan said.  Phil shrugged.

 

“There’s a little more room in front of the computer, I think,” Phil said.

 

“More room for _epic cringing_?” Dan asked.  Phil laughed and nodded. 

 

That was the way to do it:  just power passed the pain.

 

“Hello internet!” Dan said at the same time Phil said, “Hey guys!”  They had the intro down at this point.  They’d done nearly a billion videos together.

 

“What are we doing today, Phil?” Dan asked.  “As if they couldn’t tell from the title of the video.”

 

“Well, I received a tweet with an actual petition for Dan and I to make a certain video,” Phil said, putting his hands up.  He’d edit the tweet in after.

 

“I told you, we’re not posting our sex tape to YouTube,” Dan said.  Phil laughed.  “Redtube, on the other hand.”

 

“No, wait, not that petition!” Phil said, putting his hands up again.  “So we are reacting to some of our old collabs.”

 

“God help us,” Dan said. 

 

“Phil is not on fire,” Phil said as he typed it in.

 

“Oh God, pause,” Dan said before they’d even started the video.  “Can we talk about how at 0:00 I’m _already_ stuffing your lion into my mouth?”

 

“I think he was permanently scarred for life,” Phil replied.

 

_Why do you always make cat whiskers on your face?_

 

“That’s a valid point,” Dan said, looking at Phil.

 

“Should we do it?” Phil asked.  Dan pretended to contemplate it for a few seconds. 

 

“For the lulz,” Dan finally said.  Dan took a Sharpie from the desk and opened it.

 

“This feels wrong, like we’re cheating on PINOF,” Phil said.

 

“Stop breathing,” Dan replied, trying to draw cat whiskers on Phil’s face.  “Whoops.”

 

“What have you done to my face?” Phil asked, looking in the viewfinder of the camera.

 

“It’s fine,” Dan said, quickly, handing him the Sharpie.  “Do mine.”  Phil drew Dan’s whiskers on without incident. 

 

“Oh yeah,” Phil said, smiling.  “Resume the video?”

 

“Why yes of course, why did I agree to get myself into this?” Dan said sarcastically.

 

“And it’s a 10 second montage of me making giraffe sounds,” Phil said.

 

“Giraffes don’t make sounds, Phil, we’ve been over this,” Dan said.

 

Phil made an unattractive sound like a “giraffe” again.

 

“This is the worst,” Dan said, covering his eyes with his hand.

 

_Voldemort has no nose, and Voldemort’s pretty fit to be honest._

 

“Would you still bang Voldemort?” Phil asked, pausing the video to look at Dan.

 

“I stand by my statement,” Dan said, “however, I’m not the only person who says that.  Jim would bang Voldemort too.”

 

“Jim Chapman?” Phil asked.

 

“Yeah,” Dan said.

 

“Would you and Jim Chapman end up in a threeway with Voldemort?” Phil asked. 

 

“Uhh…” Dan said, making a face.  “You know… that’s just… there’s a severe lack of boobs in that threesome, sorry Jim…”

 

Phil laughed and continued with the video.

 

“Oh, no, it’s the ham thing,” Dan said, cringing.  Phil was cringing as well. 

 

_Ham overload.  Ham overdose.  Ham._

 

“Why?” Dan asked Phil.

 

“I don’t remember,” Phil shook his head.

 

“Oh, no, what are we doing?” Dan asked.  “What are we doing?  Dan Howell, sit back down right now!”

 

“The house was pretty scary,” Phil said.

 

“Well, I think it’s safe to say I haven’t changed a bit,” Dan laughed as he watched himself take the piss out of Phil’s house.

 

_May I stroke your glabella?_

 

“Oh God,” Dan said, cringing very hard.

 

“Can I stroke your glabella?” Phil asked Dan.

 

“Do you remember what a glabella is?” Dan asked.

 

“Yes!” Phil protested, putting his finger on the tip of Dan’s nose.

 

“That’s not my glabella, you freak,” Dan said, slapping Phil’s hand away.

 

_That’s so interesting, Phil.  I bet they’re all so glad they can see the diagram._

 

“I am personally glad I can see that diagram,” Phil said, nudging Dan with his shoulder.  Dan jerked away.  Phil pretended not to notice as they were filming.

 

_Is it fun being a man now?_

 

“What are we even doing?” Dan asked.  “This was a terrible video.”

 

“It’s our origin story!” Phil replied.  “We’d only just met, remember.”

 

Dan did remember, and that was the terrible thing.  Every nanosecond of this footage was in his brain, along with quite a bit that they had had to cut out.  But Dan didn’t want to think about that now, he didn’t have time for this type of crisis while they were filming, so instead he decided to make a terrible joke.

 

“Yes, AmazingPhil from YouTube invites barely legal twink to his bedroom for cat whiskers and cringey times,” Dan said.

 

“The real name of the video,” Phil laughed.

 

“I mean, that _is_ a point, we had _just_ met,” Dan said.  “Like the day before filming this.”

 

“Did you think I might be an internet creep?” Phil asked, put out.

 

“You still are an internet creep,” Dan replied, laughing.

 

_Can you say something in French?_

 

“Do you remember what you said?” Dan asked, quickly pausing the video.

 

“I don’t remember at all,” Phil shook his head.  “Do you remember?”

 

“I have the memory of a goldfish, why would I remember?” Dan asked.

 

But he did remember.  He remembered everything about that day, that whole trip.  It was the first time he’d been genuinely happy in a very long time.

 

_Je mange les petits enfants.  Est-ce qu’il y a un salle de jeux?  That’s the only thing I remember from French class._

 

“Tu mere est une prostitute,” Dan said, nearly at the same time as his onscreen counterpart, making Phil laugh.

 

“Did we ever do French again?  I know we did Spanish a few years ago,” Phil said.

 

“I actually remember shockingly little from French class,” Dan said.

 

“Didn’t you get a C on your French GCSE?” Phil asked.

 

“You remember the most irrelevant things,” Dan replied.  “And yes, I think we all know the story of my psycho French teacher.”

 

_Phil has really crappy GHDs that don’t even work.  They are poundland GHDs.  (GDHs)  They are GDHs._

 

“They’re GHDs, Phil!” Dan said, doing the worst cringe so far.  “God, get it right.”

 

“Sorry!” Phil said.

 

“Me on a cross trainer… why…” Dan said.  “This whole video is a mess.”

 

“It’s our origin story!” Phil insisted.

 

“It’s still a flippin mess!” Dan countered.

 

_If you came with a warning label, what would it say?   Danger!_

 

“I think of all the warning labels that could come with Phil, ‘danger’ is actually not a terrible one to have,” Dan said, talking to the camera.  “I know, you’re thinking his personality is too adorable for him to cause any danger, but do you have any idea how clumsy he is?”

 

“Hey!” Phil protested.

 

“No, like, I have had so many near death experiences on my own, but living with Phil has probably tripled the number,” Dan said.  “Phil is a liability to himself and others.  And he has an addiction to houseplants.”

 

“I don’t!” Phil protested.

 

“The first step to recovery is acceptance, Phil,” Dan replied.  There was a two second pause.  “Is that offensive?”

 

“Probably, I don’t know,” Phil shrugged.

 

_Would you and your lion ever have a threesome with Hannah Montana?_

 

“Oh, God, I forgot about this,” Dan said, watching himself stuff a picture of Miley Cyrus into his mouth.  “Why did I do that?  Why are you still friends with me?  I am the human embodiment of cringe!”

 

“I thought it was endearing,” Phil said.  “Still kinda do.”

 

“Edit _that_ out,” Dan said, rolling his eyes.

 

“I mean it,” Phil said.  Dan looked over at him, reaching forward to pause the video before it ran to the end, unnoticed, as this was bound to be a talk that lasted longer than 20 more seconds.  Dan waited for Phil to say something else, but he didn’t, so Dan finally replied.

 

“I know you do,” Dan sighed.  “I know you did, I know you do, I know you thought your one purpose in life was to make me happy, and I sort of always entertained the thought in the back of my mind that if I ever did become a genuinely happy person who actually liked themselves, you might move on to your next project.”

 

“You’re not a project, Dan,” Phil said.  “You never were to me.  You’re my best friend, and I really am sorry about everything that’s happened, and I wish we could go back to how it was in 2009.”

 

“We can’t,” Dan said.  “You know we can’t.”

 

“It’s been a long time, the world is changing,” Phil said.  “People love us, and they love that we love each other.”

 

“We don’t,” Dan said, completely stony.  There was nothing he could do besides completely shut off his emotions at this point.

 

“You’re not fooling them and you’re not fooling me,” Phil said.

 

“Can we just finish the video and talk about this later?” Dan asked.  Phil was quiet for a few seconds, then nodded, reaching out to continue the video.

 

_This is the most fun I have ever had._

 

“Same,” Dan agreed, almost in the same tone of voice.  Phil took that exact moment to leap out of his desk chair and onto Dan, which effectively knocked the chair over, and sent both of them onto the floor.

 

“Are you okay?” Phil asked, laughing.

 

“I honestly knew that was coming, and yet I didn’t prepare for it,” Dan said, picking himself up from the floor.  “Why didn’t I brace myself?”  He looked directly into the camera.  “Because I’m an idiot.”

 

“Reasons why Dan’s a fail (yay)!” Phil sang.

 

“We’re not reacting to those right now,” Dan said.  “Maybe in another six years.”

 

“Should we do AmazingDan?  Are we ready for that?” Phil asked.

 

“Fortunately AmazingDan is not as popular as Phil is not on fire,” Dan said.  “Because it was very very cringe.”

 

“AmazingDan has 200k more views than PINOF,” Phil said, peering at the computer screen.

 

“Oh, wonderful,” Dan said, nervously laughing.

 

“And we open on me screaming Penis,” Phil said.

 

_Am I the most boring person in the entire world if I say orange?_

 

“Orange,” Phil said.  “Nope, it’s still not a word, we broke it.”

 

“What?” Dan asked.

 

“Liveshow, the other week.  I told you about that, right?”

 

“Ohh.”

 

 _Are all these questions rude?_  
_Yeah, that’s what your fans are.  They’re all sick.  Mine are all about lions and fluffy kittens._  
 _They’re all the same fans, Phil, they’re just allowed to express themselves on my channel._

 

“Five years later, nothing has changed,” Dan laughed.  “Why are you touching my nose?”

 

“I still can’t remember where the glabella is,” Phil said.  “See, we’re the same people.  Nothing has changed.”

 

“Edit that out,” Dan said.

 

_What is your opinion on giraffes?  
Sexy._

 

“Please don’t have sex with a giraffe,” Phil told Dan.

 

“I’m not having sex with any animals,” Dan said.  “Not into bestiality, thanks.”

 

“Probably for the best,” Phil said.  “You might get arrested, and then our apartment would be pretty quiet.”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Yeah, no shower serenades in the morning,” Phil continued.

 

“You are the worst,” Dan said.

 

 _Have you ever played gay chicken?  Would you want to play it with Phil on camera for us?_  
_For 12 billion pounds._  
 _My paypal is amazingphil at gmail dotcom_

 

“I really can’t with you,” Dan said, turning to Phil.  “Did anyone actually send you money?”

 

“No, fortunately,” Phil laughed.  “Didn’t we actually do that in the Truth or Dare 2?”

 

“Sort of,” Dan laughed.  “God, look at us.   Look at the fringe.  It’s terrible.  Why didn’t anyone tell us to cut our hair?”

 

“We’re both wearing shorts too, I noticed,” Phil said.  “You still had a tan.”

 

“Someone told me that if you watch the PINOF videos in order, you’ll see my hair get shorter and my skin get whiter in each video,” Dan said.

 

“It is quite drastic, isn’t it?” Phil asked.  “The change from 2009.  I would go back in time with a pair of scissors, probably.”

 

“I wouldn’t suggest it, you’d probably kill someone on accident,” Dan said.

 

“No I wouldn’t!”

 

“With the scissors, because you’re so clumsy, you idiot,” Dan replied.

 

Onscreen, Phil had his hands over his face and was singing Single Ladies.  Dan was looking confused and terrified, and trying not to laugh.

 

“That is still the same face I make when you do strange things,” Dan confirmed.

 

“I don’t do strange things!” Phil protested. 

 

“You do _so many strange things_ ,” Dan said.  “And you naturally attract crazy people.”

 

“I do not!”

 

“Does it feel _fresh_??” Dan asked in a creepy voice.

 

“Okay, I attract crazy people,” Phil relented.

 

“And I’m giving a microphone a blow job,” Dan said.  “Nice one, Dan, won’t see gifs of that on the internet in 5 years, nah, don’t worry about it.”

 

“I have never seen a gif of that,” Phil replied.

 

“Consider yourself lucky,” Dan said, nodding once.

 

“Are you saying that people photoshop things onto the microphone so it looks like something else?” Phil asked.

 

“Yes, Phil, that is exactly what I’m saying, thanks for putting it in words,” Dan replied.

 

“I’ll take that out,” Phil said.

 

“You can leave it,” Dan said.

 

“We were so in love, Dan,” Phil said.  “Look at us.”

 

“That’s something that has changed,” Dan said.  “This was a bad idea, this isn’t going to be a good video.”

 

“No, we can probably scrape together a video from the footage we have so far,” Phil said.  “That bit where you called yourself a twink was pretty good.”

 

“Iconic,” Dan said.  “I fully expect that to be all over the internet within two hours.”

 

“If you don’t want to finish the video, it’s fine,” Phil said.

 

“Let’s record the end screen,” Dan said.

 

“Oh, no it’s gone on to AmazingDan 2,” Phil said.

 

_What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?   That’s probably a tie between ben and jerry’s  cookie dough, of course, and … placenta.  They’re both nice… I mean, what’s one thing they have in common?  They both have chunks!_

 

“I hate myself right now,” Dan said, deadpan to the camera.  “I am the worst person in the world, and I am exiting this window before I throw up on that haircut.”

 

“Anyway!  That’s the end of this video, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m going to hide under my bed and cringe for the rest of the day,” Phil said.

 

“Yes, same,” Dan nodded.

 

“If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up, and if you haven’t yet, click on my face to subscribe to me, and click on Dan’s face to subscribe to him,” Phil said.  They both made ridiculously unsexy faces. 

 

“See you next time,” Dan said.  “WHY AM I SO AWKWARD?”

 

“Bye!!!” Phil said, grinning, then shut off the camera.

 

“I am going to cringe in my bedroom,” Dan said.

 

“Shouldn’t we talk about… you know?” Phil asked.

 

“Is there really anything else to be said?” Dan asked.  “We’re not in that place anymore.  We talked about this.”

 

“I was lying!” Phil said.  “But I was only lying because you were lying.”

 

“I wasn’t lying,” Dan said.

 

“You’re lying right now!” Phil said.  “You always lie.  You can lie to them, Dan, but you can’t lie to me.”  He pointed at the camera that was no longer recording.

 

“What do you want me to say?” Dan asked.

 

“The truth,” Phil said.

 

“The truth?  You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth,” Dan said.  “You want me to say that I still have feelings for you, and that things can go back to the way they were four years ago.”

 

“Yes, if that’s the truth,” Phil said.

 

“But they can’t,” Dan said.  He’d turned his emotions off again.  He couldn’t have this fight, not with Phil, not now, not ever.  It took too much of his energy.

 

“You’re still lying!” Phil said.

 

“I’m going to my room,” Dan said, getting up and starting to leave the room.  Phil caught his arm, but Dan wrenched it out of his grip before he could really latch on.  “ _Don’t_ touch me.”  He left the office and Phil heard his bedroom door slam.

 

Phil could have ignored it.  Phil could have taken time to calm down.  Phil could have gone to the kitchen and stewed like a crockpot while he ate Dan’s cereal.  Any of those responses probably would have been smarter than the one he actually chose:  walking to Dan’s bedroom door and pounding on it while hollering.

 

“If you’re the one that’s so over it, how come you’re the one with the ironic shipper headers?  Why are you the one posting pictures of us on Instagram?  Why are you the one making the innuendos?” Phil yelled. 

 

The door flew open, and Phil could tell Dan was _pissed_.  Absolutely livid.  The scariest Phil had ever seen him.

 

“It’s an act,” Dan seethed.  “It’s all part of the danisnotonfire persona and you bloody fucking well know that.  Stop banging on my door before you break it.”  He slammed the door shut again, then Phil heard a thunk like Dan had put his entire weight onto the back of the door, leaning against it.

 

“Dan, come on,” Phil pleaded.  “Please just be honest with me.  It’s me.  It’s Phil.  AmazingPhil from YouTube.”

 

“Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil from YouTube don’t feel that way about each other.  Anymore,” Dan said, his response slightly muffled by the door.

 

“What about Dan Howell and Phil Lester?” Phil asked, and for a moment he wondered if he’d said it too quiet for Dan to hear.  Then he heard choked sobs coming from the other side of the door.  “Dan, are you okay?”

 

“Go away,” came Dan’s angry voice, but sobs cut through it, and Phil tried to push the door open.  It didn’t budge, Dan was still sitting against it.  Phil sat down and put his back on the door as well.

 

“I’m sorry,” Phil said.  Dan didn’t say anything, but the sobs were still coming.  “You did have the Japhan header, that was weird.”

 

“It was _ironic_ ,” Dan said sharply.

 

“Are we still friends?” Phil asked.

 

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Dan asked.

 

“Just checking,” Phil replied.  “I’m sorry for today.”  Dan didn’t reply, and then suddenly, Phil was falling backwards onto the carpet.  Dan had opened the door, causing Phil to tumble backwards, landing square on his back, on the carpet.  Dan was on his knees, looking down at Phil, tears still on his cheeks.

 

“Do you want to know something?” Dan said.  Phil nodded.

 

It was Dan who broke first, kissing Phil softly.  Phil was still on his back on the floor, and quite in the wrong direction for good kissing, but it was a soft and quick kiss.

 

“Of fucking course I still love you,” Dan said.  Phil was shocked.  Despite his accusations to the contrary, Phil hadn’t believed Dan still felt that way.  He had just wanted to hear Dan say it, and maybe the pain wouldn’t have been so bad.  This, though, this was so much better.  The pain was receding, Phil felt his heart speeding up, realizing he still hadn’t responded, and it had been several seconds.  Dan was biting his lip, as though nervous.  Phil rolled onto his stomach, and then sat up, facing Dan.  Dan was mostly sitting on the floor, hugging one knee to himself in a position that was probably not very comfortable considering he was remarkably inflexible and his skinny jeans didn’t help with that.  “It would actually be excellent if you stopped looking at me and _said something right about n–_ ”

 

Phil closed the distance between them, nearly knocking Dan over onto the floor again with the force of his tackle, kissing him with everything he had in him. 

 

“You’re my everything,” Phil whispered.  “I love you.  So much.”

 

“I love you too,” Dan said, breathing hard.  “I have for so long.  I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay,” Phil soothed him, running his fingers through Dan’s fringe lovingly.

 

“But it’s not,” Dan said.  “I was the reason we broke up, I was scared, and I still am, and however much it killed me to not be with you like that, the alternative was telling the entire internet, and I wasn’t ready for that, and I’m still not, and I know how much you hate lying, but I’m not ready for the world to know.  I know if Chris and Shane can do it, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to, because it’s 2015 and the whole world is changed, but I can’t tell them, I can’t, not yet.  I need a lot more time alone with my carpet patch before that happens.”

 

Dan was waffling, so Phil just tightened his hug around him.

 

“You don’t have to tell the internet or anyone,” Phil said.  “I would never make you do something you’re uncomfortable with, and you’ve done the same for me.  But you don’t have to do it alone.  As much as I _could_ go make a video, right now, and come out as bi or demi or whatever, I would never leave you to figure this out alone.  And before you even start,” Phil pressed a finger to Dan’s lips to shush him, “I am secure with myself, I don’t need to tell the internet about me.  And regardless of whether Phan was a thing, I couldn’t come out without dragging you with me.  So we do it together or not at all.”

 

“I want to,” Dan said.  “I want to tell people and have them be happy for us.  But people are going to be angry, and I can’t handle that right now.  I’m too stressed, everything is happening at once, and I can’t even make videos without worrying that I’m going to let something slip.  And if I do just come out like, I’m bi, Phan is real, you’re all right, they’re going to judge me for lying for so long.”

 

“Make it a reasons why Dan’s a fail video,” Phil suggested.

 

“I think that may come off as offensive,” Dan said, staring at Phil.

 

“Oh yeah,” Phil said after a moment’s pause.  Dan chuckled.  “We’ll do it together, or we just won’t, okay?  I promise.”

 

“Kay,” Dan said.

 

THREE MONTHS LATER

 

“Are you ready?” Phil asked.  They were sat in the lounge, on the sofa, side by side, laptops on their laps, about to set their videos live.

 

“As I’ll ever be,” Dan said.  “3… 2…”

 

“One,” they said together. 

 

The views came pouring in, and so did the likes, the retweets, the favorites, and above all else, the positive feedback.

 

_Hello Internet.  Today… Today is a very important day.  I woke up this morning and I thought… I’m ready.  Ready to tell you all, to tell the internet, to tell the world… that I’m bisexual.  Yeah, I know, you all knew it, you’ve seen screenshots of my formspring, phan is real, you’ve always known, whatever.  I’m going to tell you a shortened version of the story, because if I did the whole thing, it would bore you to bits._

_Hey guys!!  I have some very important news to tell you, that I usually don’t talk about on this channel, and that is… I’m not straight.  I’m actually biromantic demisexual.  Basically what that means in case you don’t know is that I am romantically attracted to both boys and girls, but I’m only sexually attracted to people that I have developed a really strong bond with, and in my case, the person is the one and only danisnotonfire, my best friend, roommate, and boyfriend, Dan._

_Yes, I did say Phan is real, didn’t I?  Well, you can sort that one out for yourself.  Phil’s gonna say something about this.  I don’t know, I’m waffling, again.  Get it together, Dan.  It’s not just Phil, for me, though, you know?  It’s sort of always been guys and girls, most people, if they’re fit, to be honest.  The story… uh… well… It started in 2009, and you probably remember it better than I do… Memory of a goldfish… But something happened a few years ago, and things weren’t the same between us anymore.  And I don’t want you to take this personally, but I feel like it’s important to mention.  There were a few incidents that could have been handled better on my part, that led to a general hiatus between Phil and I.  We’ve stayed friends and we live together, and we were comfortable around each other…  And now you know.  Phan is real.  Phil and I are together.  But it’s a weird kind of together?  Like we’ve always been together, because we live together, and nothing has really changed except that we put a label on it._

_Yes, Dan is my boyfriend!  Is he my boyfriend?  Is it partner?  I don’t know, the label isn’t that important.  What is important is that I am happy and Dan is happy, and we have been for three months.  WAIT.  Three months?  Yeah, actually, only three months, I know you were expecting me to say six years, but no, it’s only been three months, and it’s been the best three months ever, and everything is all love heart emoji face and the two boys hold hands emoji and the two boys kissing emoji… okay, anyway.  I don’t know if you were expecting a really heartfelt video, or for me to cry, but if you were and you were expecting me to cry, then I’m really sorry.  But for the rest of you, and you’re like asdfjkl; that’s where I am too.  Still.  Haha._

_So, yeah, I guess that’s all I want to waffle about in this video…  Phil made a video about this too, there’s a link in the description, and yeah, I guess that’s it.  Thank you all for your love and support, and I will see you soon.  (explosion DANISNOTONFIRE)_

“Do you think we did it right?” Phil asked Dan, putting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

 

“I don’t think there is a way to do it right,” Dan replied.  Tweets were still pouring in, from fans and their friends.  “I don’t think we did it terribly.”

 

“Well yeah, it was pretty cool, synchronized videos,” Phil said.

 

“You’re welcome for the idea,” Dan said.

 

“Do you want cereal?” Phil asked, putting his laptop down and getting up.

 

“Phil, it’s 7pm,” Dan said.

 

“And?” Phil asked, confused and innocent.

 

“Sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this July 2015 and it is originally posted to http://alexxisnotokay.tumblr.com/post/123762945836/origins-a-phanfic


End file.
